Smile

Come, come away from the plundering darkness,
Smile your sweet, yet miserable smile,
Let the silent sob escape your throat
And let go of the anger that chokes your mind.


Hold your breath and have a little faith,
Faith for the tomorrows to come,
Let your breath fog up the cracked, yellow glass
And draw your sorrow for the world to see.


Sit by the river and stare back at your face,
Think of all the things that inspired your day,
Let the lines of worry and hatred fade away
And smile your sweet, yet miserable smile again.

Here's to the best experience of my life.

On the 26th of March, as I was on my way to meet my team, I got an email that led me to let out the most joyous and insane shriek of excitement. I had been officially announced as the Corporate Communications Vice President for AIESEC India's National Stakeholders' Summit 2012. And though I still didn't know much and could not remotely estimate the roller coaster ride I was in for in the next month and a half I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for the whole day.

I didn't really know anyone too well from the CC. Back then, all I saw Prithvish as was a mean MC member from Delhi who thought he was damn awesome (and probably was) and wouldn't care about a low-life TL such as me. He probably took me on the CC because of the lack of half-decent people who applied. But then I met him and he turned out to be the funniest, happiest, goofiest guy with funny laughter and a bad sense of humour. But he was the most amazing, inspirational, motivational and smart MC in-charge I could have asked for. He kept it together at all points and it amazed me to see him undampened by almost everything. And it didn't end at 5PM (or 6PM or 7PM or 8PM or 9PM). He was like that at 3AM too, watching Powerpuff Girls and Johnny Bravo and being the general happy person in our little group. He made me want to work and he made me believe in me and he made me have the best experience ever. Mehndi and Juhi were my two perfect one-thirds and we got along so brilliantly, it threw me off. I was waiting for it to become a little more realistic with a little falling-out at least but we stuck together solidly to the very end. We read each others' minds and spent days (read: nights) on end talking about the littlest or biggest things possible. Very rarely have I come across two individuals, much lesser at the same time, who I could relate to so easily and with who I could be scarily open with, without any inhibitions. And more than being just good friends, they inspired me to work and do so much more than I would have originally estimated myself to be able to do. We sat in office for ungodly hours and we stayed up at night for a slightly more ridiculous number of hours doing work and not once did it weigh me down and I'd mostly thank these two for that. Nadiya and Kalyani were from my very own Local Committee but I never knew them too well till NSS. That is when we got along, for various reasons. Like food for Kalyani and the completely awkward yet entertaining bus rides back home with Nadiya. Never had I seen such a diverse set of individuals grow so close and throw the most awesome and mind-blowing event in a matter of 1 month.

This event was everything I could have asked for and it helped me grow on multiple levels. You will probably never read this but I love you guys immensely and this 1 month I shall never forget. I had the time of my life :)

7AM lessons in life from Dad.

My dad told me that he valued life for every moment it gave him, every lesson it taught him and for every hardship that he survived.
We all complain about life and its hardships and our strange little encounters with this misunderstood entity, fate. We all complain that God (or the substituting supernatural force that governs us) is being unfair by making us trudge through hardships. But no one looks back and is grateful for having survived every hardship. No one thanks that external governing force for giving us the power to endure and brave these hardships.
I'm not an exception to this. Not even today. But my dad is. And I want to be. Because hardships give you the strength to fight back adversity and recognise the value of our fortunes.
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Let It Be

Preconceived notions can be the death of something beautiful. The human nature makes having these notions inevitable but at the end of the day it's up to us as to whether we should let these notions get in the way of our external behaviour and relationships. And it is entirely our decision as to whether we should allow these notions to be moulded by unbiased experiences.
Based on recently attained experiences, I am actually glad that though I entered a situation with strongly held, negative preconceived notions, I allowed my notions to be moulded by exposure to the person in question and this helped send our relationship on a whole new tangent.
It's not a frequent occurrence to have such opportunities to have behaviour moulding occur in one's life. Every time you get an opportunity and you exercise this, it may not be successful. But the few times that it is successful, you'll find it completely worth it to have let elements from the outside influence your attitudes.
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Le Deja Vu

Sometimes, when I'm wasting time, I start to have a deja vu and I'm thinking real hard about the deja vu but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out when it happened previously. But I still continue to think and I start to have a deja vu about having a deja vu. And I don't know what dafuq is happening anymore.
It's really annoying and sends me on a different trip altogether and I suddenly feel like I'm living in a different dimension and I don't know what is happening anymore.

And I'm not even high.
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Happiness (:

Happiness is:
1. Clean feet
2. Cinnamon and Vanilla body wash
3. Colourful stationery
4. Well-organised notes
5. A clean desktop
6. Playlist that is called "Playlist 2" on my phone
7. Red velvet cupcakes
8. Finding old conversation sheets
9. Being in love
10. Warm feet
11. Pretty nails
12. Stuffed teddy
13. Gummy bears
14. Random stray kittens and puppies
15. Family time
16. Double chocolate chip cookies
17. A cabinet full of stuffed toys
18. Spending time with people who count
19. Self-pampering time
20. Loving yourself :)
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Stupid memory (and happy birthday, Adhipee :D)

The other day, I thought of something really intense and I was going to blog about it and build up on it and get a legit logical flow of thought out of it. So there I was, sitting in an old, rickety Fiat cab, crossing Fountain and a little out of sorts. And lazy. Of course, you'd say.
So I was like "Mmm, my phone is in my back pocket. So much effort required in putting my hand in my pocket, pulling it out so that it doesn't fall into the gap between the backrest and the bottom, unlocking the damn phone and then putting down my thoughts into an email that I could send to my blog. I'll just remember this when I'm little more proactive and sober because it's so intense and deep and logical that it could make sense to anyone and obviously it's so awesome that I won't forget it."
And then I forgot about remembering it. And now I don't know what it was at all.
#ScumbagMemory

P.S.: Happy birthday Adhishree! I love you :)

Sundays

Sundays are such food-filled days. It's like Gujjuland in my house. With coffee and muffins and eggless chocolate chip cake and caramel popcorn from Crawford Market. And that's just in the 3 hours that I've been awake.
And then there will be lunch. Oh God. So much food. I cannot deal with this food.
Maybe if I play dead they won't feed me.
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Stupid, stupid day :@

Today is the dumbest fucking day in the history of days. What a stupid day. Firstly my trusted app lied to me. It told me that a 92 goes to the CA institute. For the first time in my life, I stood at the bus stop waiting for a 92 and a 93 came before it. Now 93 is the bus I'm usually supposed take to college but I always miss it because I'm late for it. Instead I see at least two 92s pass by while I wait for my 93 to go to college. So today, I took a 92 which made me wait for 30 minutes at the bus stop before it came and turns out, it doesn't go to the CA institute. Instead, I learn that it is indeed the 93 that I deliberately missed today that takes me to the CA institute and not a 92.
Then I decided to go by train and when I was walking to the station a bird pooped on my foot. So then I had to go into the only shop around which was a bar full of lecherous drunk men and ask for water to clean my foot because guess what? They didn't have a washroom.
Oh and how can I forget? The electricity went out half-way through my shower even though we NEVER lose electricity otherwise. This made me super late because honestly, how the fuck does one wash their hair in the dark?
And it's only 3PM. Kill me somebody. Kill me now.
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Revelation

I turn into a ridiculous, bumbling, sappy idiot when I get into relationships. I write weird letters which I think are OHSOCUTE at the time. And I make videos which I think are so fun and lovable.
But then I become single and then these things haunt me from the past and I'm like:

So moral of the story is that I should never get into a relationship. I'm so awesome outside them. Who needs a relationship anyway?

Why I should never have been a 9th grader in "love"

This was my first "love" letter. Do not judge. I've changed ever since. A lot.
So here goes:


Dearest (Ex-Boyfriend),

I don't know why the hell I am writing this letter to you :p Maybe it is to tell you how much I love you or tell you that you're my most prized person. You are the most amazingly adorable guy I've ever known. I love you for everything you are and I love you for your diversity. I respect your difference of thought, because after a while being similar would just be boring. You are really important to me and losing you would be horrible. I'd just become depressed or schizophrenic or some rubbish like that :p. It really sucks that we can't talk on the phone and all. And I have no clue if we'll ever meet outside school and that gives us... 45 mins to 1 hour for 5 days each in a week :p But I don't care, because I love you as much. Even if I meet you for 5 minutes every week, I'd love you as much. But what I love most is that youlove you immaterial of whatever. Thans for being so understanding and lovable. It really makes mr happy that the guy I love so much loves me as much too. You're my perfect boyfriend ad our first kiss even if it is in a garbage truck would be my most magical moment because you're my Prince Charming (it's clichéd but true :))
Love you always. Sealed with a million kisses.
xoxoSrushtixoxo

PS: Red is the colour of love!! :D :*
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Like A Perfect Pie

Conversations I have which trip me out and scare me off thinking but cause me to think even more when I'm baked like a perfect pie. How did I think of this? Wtf?

Participants:
-------------
Srushti Iyer, Adam Jay.

Messages:
---------
View recent messages

Srushti Iyer:
I just gave a morality lecture to a cab driver. I fucked his happiness
Srushti Iyer:
I said real words. Wtf dude
Adam Jay.:
Whathefuvk=))
Srushti Iyer:
How is this happening?
Adam Jay.:
Coz.u.baked.
Srushti Iyer:
How am I ideating and gesturing and verbalising at the same time?
Srushti Iyer:
How does the mind do that?
Srushti Iyer:
How is it doing all that deep connected shit so fast?
Adam Jay.:
=)) =D
Adam Jay.:
:*
Srushti Iyer:
How can this brain deal with this amount of activity?
Adam Jay.:
Ask god.
Srushti Iyer:
How is it possible that my brain is so fat despite all that activity?
Srushti Iyer:
I cannot deal with this
Adam Jay.:
Fat=D
Adam Jay.:
Why bro
Srushti Iyer:
Cause I'm thinking too much
Srushti Iyer:
Maybe when you know people complain about cases of brain shrinkage or brain tumour it's cause they've been working their brain too much so it becomes thin and dies?
Srushti Iyer:
I don't want all that fancy jazz happening to my brain
Srushti Iyer:
3-|
Adam Jay.:
Lool.
Adam Jay.:
bro I hvw a brain
Srushti Iyer:
Everyone has a brain fag
Adam Jay.:
Half*
Srushti Iyer:
You have half a brain? :o
Adam Jay.:
Yes.
Srushti Iyer:
NO WAY!
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Indignant

Today, I sent this email to the feedback system at Peppy because I was seriously affronted that my packet of Peppy had no toy in it. The email goes like this:

There are two reasons I have Peppy:
1. Because I love the taste.
2. Because I want a toy.
Today I didn't get a toy in my Peppy. It frustrated me deeply and I kept rattling the pack around trying to find my toy. In the bargain I couldn't enjoy my Peppy and it made me feel miserable.
Batch No: T-040.
I hope you all do something about this.
Thank you.
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Things I'm extremely...passionate about

Well one thing's for sure, I am addicted to stationery. I love stationery with a passion and every time I lose something (unlikely) or someone steals/borrows something (often) and I can see myself never meeting that little piece of stationery again, a little part of me dies inside and I feel a dull, cold ache in my heart as I resentfully mourn the loss of my beloved pen/highlighter/pencil. Now you'd wonder why I'd care so much for something so easily replaceable. Well, truth be told, I make plans for these little pieces of stationery. I start to chalk my days out based on how well and effectively I can use my stationery especially if it's a beloved classic or a brand new one. It feels like my world's turning upside down, it feels like everyone is conspiring against me just so they can see my beautiful plans fail. I really need my colour pens back. I charted out where I would be using them and which one would write the final "DONE :D" on my exam timetable on the last day. I feel like I've lost some sort of equilibrium that was established when I recently acquired these new pens. I obviously really really need them back.
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Strange Sunday Mornings.

Strange Sunday mornings where strange feelings bubble up and nestle in your heart, disallowing you from thinking about or doing something constructive and fruitful.
Strange Sunday mornings where you feel repelled by anyone's touch, intentional or accidental, even if it's your own mother loving you.
Strange Sunday mornings where you wake up with a pounding headache, a stuffed nose and a cold, sharp ache in your heart.
Strange Sunday mornings where you sit and stare at your psychology textbook, reading each line 3 times to comprehend its meaning.
Strange Sunday mornings where you stumble upon a memory from the past and suddenly, the floodgates open, leaving you drowning in yesterday.
Strange Sunday mornings where you sit with a family around you and a BlackBerry in your hand and still, you feel like the most lonely person in the world.
Strange Sunday mornings where you feel tears rolling down your face and though your heart is sad for a million reasons, you still don't know why you're crying.

Today morning is a Strange Sunday morning. You don't know how to feel, you don't know whether you can love carelessly, you don't know if you can laugh despite there being myriad reasons and you don't know when this Strange Sunday morning will end.

- Written on 19th February 2012, Sunday.
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After 2 days of absolute wastedness and no sleep, I finally slept today. And I just had butter toast with Nutella. Best best best food ever. SO GOOD. It's like sex in my mouth.
HBD Khosipoo :D (belated now)
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Some of the best things in life

1. Curd + Rice + Lemon Pickle
2. Cheese dosa from near college
3. A random holiday in the middle of the week
4. End of exams (duh)
5. TBBT or HIMYM or Two and a Half Men episodes randomly coming on TV
6. Double chocolate chip cookies from Subway with vanilla ice cream
7. Playing with a cat or dog
8. Those ice cream sandwich things
9. Pajamas
10. Over-sized t-shirts
11. Karaoke
12. Suddenly having lots of leg space in a car
13. Goa
14. Beer
15. Port wine + whisky

Okay I'll put more up later :)
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Why do these things happen to me?

So today I made the brilliant decision (unwittingly) of sitting in a cab with the world's most talkative and inquisitive driver in the world.
So far, he's asked about where I stay, what I do, what I think of the rally happening at Dadar at the moment, what is my hometown, what I think of shit drivers who don't know how to reverse, how the route he took is better than the other route that he himself suggested, whether I'm married, what I think of marriage, what I study, when I want to get married, why I want to wait so long, if I've travelled anywhere, if I'm working and why I'm going to Marine Drive. And now he asked the best question ever. Why I don't have 3 rupees change, whether I had change when I left home and since I did, what I did with all my change.
Seriously, wtf?!
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Ohemgee, it's VDAY!

Guess what today is! It's V-Day! It's the oh-so-special Valentine's Day.
Now I'm not a bitter, hopeless, loveless person but I just think this whole Valentine's Day thing is so ridiculously overrated. What with all the flowers and chocolates and dates and the insane amount of money spent to create the perfect Valentine's Day. I have always been sceptical of this whole concept of Valentine's Day. Even when I was in a relationship (or 5). It just doesn't make sense to me.
So I'm going to spend my V-day with my V-tine, Tejaswi and my other friends who I love. Guess I'll be spending my V-day with people I love too. But this is the kind of love that stays :).
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Fail scenes

Last night, when I was falling asleep, I was determined to make it for my 8AM lecture with Dr Vakeel because..well.. She kicks ass.
So my brain, influenced just a tiny bit by beer, forgot to take into consideration that I'm a lazy fuck and made these little plans by itself of me reaching the bus stop at 7 20 and catching my 93 like a bauss and reaching for my lecture, strutting like a proud parent and sitting with some sort of dramatic flair. (No I don't do that kind of stuff usually.)
Oh and look at the situation now. It's 8 10AM and I'm standing at my bus stop, waiting for my 93 and I could have missed this one too. I couldn't even get ready in time to take a cab for my first lecture. Instead, I woke up at 7 25. Shame.
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While waiting in the line to congratulate the new Gujju couple

Place: Malad

Reason: Gujju wedding scenes

Time: 11.30 PM

(Bipolar) State of mind: Okay there's a list of things here. Obviously.
1. Frustration: Soooo much pain. Why am I wearing heels? Why am I this masochistic? Bitchassmothafuckaboiledegg.

2. I'm so sleepyyyy.

3. Gluttony: OMGLOOKATALLTHEFOODAROUNDME!OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM. EAT ALL THE NUMZ!

4. Alcoholic: Why is there no alcohol?

5. I<3House: God, I REALLY want to be at Dash Berlin right now. Or be asleep. Wtfff is this?

6. ADD-ness: Ooh shiny. Oooh look, there's another shiny. Shinyyyyy shine everywhere!

#LegitGujjuWeddingScenes
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Random trivia time

It really really REALLY annoys me when people are erasing a black or a white board and they don't erase it properly. And there's little marker squiggles around the board, just sitting there, staring you in the face. Or worse, when there is a layer of chalk dust on the board upon which, the person who is writing writes with the same coloured chalk. I mean, what's the deal with that? Just go and dust the goddamn duster against a wall and let's have a clean board. Or I'm going to have to launch JigglyPuff at you. And looking at the way you're going, you will have half-erased squiggles all over your face.
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Awkwocat

I realised yesterday that I'm a really awkward person generally. However, this awkwardness surfaces mostly when I get compliments or when someone thanks me for doing something nice. Like what do I say? "I know I'm damn nice. You're welcome." No. I don't think so. I'm just like "Uhhh.. Cool :) thanks." And then people must assume that I'm a bitch or I'm retarded because I'm just like..heh.
So what do you say when you're complimented? This is too big a dilemma. Can't deal with it. Just going to have to make do with what I usually do. So if you ever appreciate me, appreciate that I appreciate the appreciation without obvious appreciation. That sentence was fun to write.
Kthatisallbye.
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Trivia #654

Orgasming cats sound like they're dying and I'm talking from experience. No, I'm not an orgasming cat. Yes, cats find it ideal to have sex (loudly) outside my window at least thrice a week. And fuck they're loud and annoying.
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Story of my life.

Today I tripped and fell down on the stairs of a railway station in the middle of a throng of people. With a laptop and a phone and let's not forget my college bag that weighs a tonne for some godforsaken reason. It earned me some choice obscenities.
Classy. Keeping it real classy. Because that's how I roll.

However, on the bright side, my phone didn't blank out and reboot which is its usual retarded response to any kind of turbulence. #silverlining
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Trippy Hindi Songs

Of all the songs in the world, Subah Hone Na De is stuck in my head. From Desi Boyz.
Oh God, such a truppy songggg.
TU MERA HERO OH OH OH *dances*
I've heard it way too many times today.
Theme song for Nexabooo <3
I'm trupping :)

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7G-tYRzwYY

:D

:)

Today, I met my goose :). I can't believe you're leaving already. I wish we could have spent more time. But as you know, circumstances. But I love you more than words can say. And I wish we can meet more the next time you're here. You'll always be my favourite and my best friend. I love you and I'll miss you.

P.S.: At least we can bbm now :D

Escaping Fate

The moon rises in the velvet sky
And the waves wash up against the shore,
My dreams slowly begin to fly
Whispering their goodbyes from behind the door.

I sit, subdued, near the clay oven
As the dark night fans my flaming heart,
The mud walls stand like a coven
Being witness to my dreams falling apart.

The little mud room with a solitary window
Is suddenly plunged into a consuming darkness,
The flame crackles as the wind starts to blow
Throwing light upon this absolute mess.

The moon emerges from behind the clouds
Lighting up the morbid room,
The voices in my head make angry sounds
And I walk away from my inevitable doom.
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Ohmailawd

Today, well, right now, as I was yawning loudly and contently, I hiccuped and then coughed almost simultaneously. I swear I almost died. Thought this deserved a blog post before I died of something similar and didn't spread the awesomeness of this path-breaking event to the world.
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UGH

Some people should take their massive egos and shove it up their assholes. Where they will totally fit because they are such huge assholes.
Pfft.
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